Net
Addiction
(original
author unknown: found on the net! If you know the
author, please let us know)
You
may be addicted to the Net when...
You
actually wore a blue ribbon to protest the
Communications Decency Act.
You
kiss your girlfriend's home page.
Your
bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
Your
eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them.
You
find yourself brainstorming for new subjects to search.
You
refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity and
no phone lines.
You
finally do take that vacation, but only after buying a
cellular modem and a laptop.
You
spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your
lap...and your child in the overhead compartment.
All
your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster
connection to the net: 56KPS...ISDN...cable
modem...T1...T3.
And
even your night dreams are in HTML.
You
find yourself typing .COM after every period when using
a word processor.com.
You
turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling,
like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
You
refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.
You
start introducing yourself as "Jim at I-I-Net dot
net dot au.
Your
heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you
see a new WWW site address in print or on TV, even
though you've never had heart problems before.
You
step out of your room and realize that your parents have
moved and you don't have a clue when it happened.
You
turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can
hear if new e-mail arrives.
Your
wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you
what she looks like.
All
of your friends have an @ in their names.
When
looking at a page full of someone else's links, you
notice all of them are already highlighted in purple.
Your
dog has its own home page.
You've
already visited all the links at Yahoo and you're
halfway through Lycos.
You
can't call your mother...she doesn't have a modem.
You
realize there is not a sound in the house and you have
no idea where your children are.
You
check your mail. It says "no new messages." So
you check it again.
You
refer to your age as 3.x.
You
have commandeered your teenager's phone line for the net
and even his friends know not to call on his line
anymore.
Your
phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.
You
code your homework in HTML and give your instructor the
URL.
You
don't know the sex of three of your closest friends,
because they have neutral nicknames and you never
bothered to ask.
You
name your children Eudora, Mozilla and Dotcom.
You
laugh at people with 14.4 baud modems.
Your
husband tells you he's had the beard for two months.
You
miss more than five meals a week downloading the latest
games from Apogee.t, or [C]ontinue?
You
start looking for hot HTML addresses in public
restrooms.
You
wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and
check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
You
move into a new house and decide to Netscape before you
landscape.
You
tell the cab driver you live at
http://123.elm.street/house/bluetrim.html
You
actually try that 123.elm.street address.
Your
friends no longer send you e-mail...they just log on to
your IRC channel.
Your
wife makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to
bed."
You
are so familiar with the WWW that you find the search
engines useless.
You
get a tattoo that says "This body best viewed with
IE 5.0 or higher."
You
never have to deal with busy signals when calling your
ISP...because you never log off.
The
last girl you picked up was only a jpeg.
You
ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the
chair in front of your computer with a toilet.
You
start tilting your head sideways to smile.
You
leave the modem speaker on after connecting because you
think it sounds like the ocean wind...the perfect
soundtrack for Surfing the Net.
You
begin to wonder how on earth your service provider is
allowed to call 200 hours per month
"unlimited."
You
turn on your computer and turn off your wife.
Your
wife says communication is important in a marriage...so
you buy another computer and install a second phone line
so the two of you can chat.
As
your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain
road, your first instinct is to search for the BACK
button.
You
decide to stay in college for an additional year or two,
just for the free Internet access.
You
start using smileys in your snail mail.
Only
communication in your household is through email.
BT
names you Customer of the Month for the third
consecutive time.
Batteries
in the TV remote now last for months.
New
mail alarm on your palmtop annoys other churchgoers.
You
unsuccessfully try to download a pizza from
www.dominos.com.
You
come back and check this list every half-hour.
You
turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling,
like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
Your
hard drive crashes. You haven't logged in for two hours
You start to twitch. You pick up the phone and manually
dial your ISP's access number. You try to hum to
communicate with the modem. And you succeed.
You
have been on your computer soo long that you didn't
realize you had grandchildren.
other
humour
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